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Getting what we want, out of life and especially in our relationships can sometimes lead to a win/lose outcome.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about mutuality; strategies for aligning your desires with those of your loved one.  The key is to understand your motivations and to work from self-less rather than selfish desires.  It may seem counter-intuitive but having your cake and eating it too works best when you invite your partner to dine with you.  For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL47-Getting What You Want

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In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss some of the challenges and pitfalls of turning to friends or family members for advice on your relationships.  Although they may mean well, those closest to you are not without unconscious or even intentional bias that skews their counsel and can add a layer of emotional distortion that won’t serve you well.  In the best of cases, they are not professionals and are working only from their experience which may or may not be grounded in positive outcomes. Typically what we are looking for is validation but what we need is objectivity.  For more, click here for a full transcript: LL46-Friends and Family as Counselors

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The children’s show host, Mr. Rogers was famous for saying “I love you just the way you are.”  He understood that very important affirmation was essential to convey acceptance and trust.  It is just as important for adults to hear that message as it is for children.  Trying to change or conform your loved one to your desire sows the seed of breakup by violating that cardinal rule about doing unto others as you would have done unto you.  No one wants to manipulated or coerced into being someone they are not.  We all want acceptance for who and what we are.  Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which we consciously and unconsciously signal acceptance.  For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are

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A crucial part of feeling good about yourself and your significant other is having a sense of purpose. What you want for yourself, for others and how you go about accomplishing that has everything to do with your personal happiness and sense of peace.   Alvean and Doug talk about how to find your purpose in life and how that can guide your relationships.  For a full transcript, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose

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Early or late in a relationship you or your partner may experience a sense of dissatisfaction regarding your feelings for one another; a feeling that whatever you two have is simply not satisfying any more.  It is not that unusual but it is something that you can and must address before it leads to heartache and disunion.  The good news is that you can do something about these feelings by re-kindling the feelings you had for one another.  Alvean and Doug tell you where and how to turn sadness, depression or adversity into a positive, affirmation of your love.  For a complete transcript of this episode, click here:LL43-Is That All There Is?

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Arguments, disagreements and possibly confrontation can and likely will occur at some point in a relationship no matter how loving or mature the participants.  How you two handle these bumps in the road will have a profound impact on your future together.  There are two classic reactions to navigate, flight or fright.  Neither are very productive and Alvean and Doug explain why in this episode.  They also offer some sound advice about how to work through and temper your emotions, especially when the stakes are high. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight

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The longer you remain in a relationship the greater the chance that you or your will fall ill; perhaps with a debilitating or life challenging condition.  Beyond the stresses this will place on you both, there are likely to be some difficult decisions you will need to make. Alvean and Doug talk from personal experience about their journeys and offer some insight into acts of selflessness required in devotion to your loved one.  For more and a full copy of the episode transcript, click here: LL41-In Sickness & in Health

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As we age our views about love and relationships tends to change.  Sometimes it is for the better, sometimes not.  Navigating the ages and phases of our love life requires an expansive view.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the various stages and how we perceive and are seen by others.  They offer some thoughts on how you can enjoy a rich and rewarding relationship at any stage of your life. For a full transcript, click here: LL40-Growing Older

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Love is a constant, but what we may feel can and often does change over time. What comes after that initial burst of affection and how can we ensure that the next phase of our relationship, while different brings us closer together? Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which couples strengthen their bonds and sadly the ways in which they let themselves grow apart through inattention, stress, and an inability to seek and find constructive compromise.  For a full transcript, click here:LL39-After the Love

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Let’s be honest, our world is full of negative emotions and ideas these days.  Whether it is health, money, politics or religion there are plenty of issues that divide us and can make us feel hopeless or tear at the foundations of our relationships.  In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss ways in which one can remain optimistic and positive–growing closer rather than further apart.  For a complete transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World